don’t want to settle

I’m coming to understand that my actions often show that I don’t really believe God can heal the wounds in me that I’ve learned to live with. I may say I believe it, but the reality is I don’t pray for healing. I don’t engage in the spiritual practices that would prepare me for healing. I don’t purposely take steps to cooperate with God in actually healing the brokenness within me. Does this mean that though I would never consciously admit it, I have unconsciously given up any real hope of change? I don’t want to settle for that.