silence

On a 48 hour silent retreat. At former monastery. Room has single bed, small wooden table, chair, window, bare walls. No TV. No wireless internet. Quiet. Read Scripture. Listen for God to speak. Silence. Pray. Listen for God to speak. Silence. Walk to lunch, pass another retreatant, smile and nod. Not a word. Eat alone. Vegetarian. Sounds loud when chew, broccoli and walnuts crunch. Soup is hot. Hear ambulance siren. Stop and pray God’s protection. Go and sit in huge Gothic chapel. Alone, but not lonely. Shaft of light pierces room from window above. Illumination. Yearn for it. Silence. Open self. Desire God to speak. “God is a way maker.” What? “God is a way maker.” Return to room. Sit in silence. Do nothing. Not easy. Read 2 Kings 5. Ponder. Ask God to speak. “Even when need help, still self-centered. Still want things own way. Still demanding. The problem is pride.” Silence.